The Storm of Anger versus the Calm of Forgiveness
Perhaps you find yourself in the eye of the storm. Your spouse has just dropped a bomb on you - he/she is not happy and wants a divorce. You may feel as though the earth is crumbling beneath you. Your head and heart may be swirling with emotions: fear, sadness and anger. It is important to feel your feelings and deal with them, but in a productive and safe manner. First, in order to do that you will need to get to a place of acceptance. This may take time - and may be something that takes a lot of work - but be honest with yourself. And be gentle with yourself.
Gathering support from family and friends is important; however friends and family may not always be the most objective and, in the end, they may inadvertently cause you more fear. It is important to reach out to an adviser; speaking with an attorney that specializes in the area of family law is a good first step. Knowledge is power and will help to allay your fears. It is hard to process information when you are coming from a place of fear and anxiety.
Compile your Questions for Your Initial Attorney Interview
Organize your thoughts, questions and fears for that first meeting with an attorney. It is hard to think clearly in the initial stages of this huge life changing event, but do your best to keep yourself organized so you can look back at your notes after your initial meeting.
Examine your Behavior
Be honest with yourself and see what you may or may not have done to contribute to the downfall of your relationship. Take ownership of your mistakes. Learn from them. Eventually, forgiving yourself may be the hardest, but also the most healing, step of all.
Stormy versus Calm Weather
Staying stuck in anger will not always be the best to assist you in getting through the process. While anger is an emotion that is necessary, as it is a call for change, rather than remaining angry, do what needs to be done to make the change and remember that you can control your behavior. Being caught in the thunderstorm of anger makes the future difficult to imagine; this path can be more difficult to navigate. It literally can feel heavy. If you can get to a place of forgiveness and calm - a place of acceptance - it will be much easier to process the information you are being given; you will be able to clearly see your options and make decisions about your future.
It is your life, and being in the best emotional and intellectual position you can be in will only help you to make well informed and thought out decisions. It is much easier to see miles ahead on a calm and sunny day than it is on a stormy and dreary day. Even though your life may seem as though it is a complete storm right now - in time and with hard work - you will find calm peace, and that is a much better place to be in when making decisions.