This blog is solely the opinion of the writer and not necessarily that of the staff or firm of Zoller Biacsi Co., LPA.
One of the toughest, and saddest, things to accept in any failed marriage is the culpability of both parties in the breakup of the family.
I have a blended family, my kids belong to two blended families, I know friends and acquaintances that have blended families, and I work with blended families each day.
As the person who accepts most of our potential client initial calls, I can assure you that I have heard more sad stories than you could ever imagine.
Sometimes, we all find ourselves ready to try something new, to do something different. After years of shopping at the same store, you might decide to try a new place. After months of the same haircut, you go a little crazy and get a different style completely. After days of silence at home, you break it with an olive branch in the form of wine, cheese and crackers for your husband, along with some quiet talk laced generously with forgiveness and apology.
So ... what is forgiveness? What is it not? What does it look like and feel like? How can you tell when forgiveness has happened?
All of us have been hurt by someone at some time, intentionally or accidentally, and most likely, that someone apologized to us. But what if an apology never comes? What if you were so hurt - physically, mentally or emotionally - and you never hear, "I am sorry"? Then what? How is that to be handled? Is it best to hold on to the negative emotions and let them fester through more negativity and resentment?
Over the past 26 years of practicing family law, I have witnessed many clients walk into my office looking torn, broken and in complete despair. The pain in a person's heart and soul seems to ooze out of their pores. The energy of their pain is palpable. It is not easy to be witness to so much pain and sadness. The human spirit, however, is resilient. And as time goes by, as the process moves forward and IF the client is doing what he/she needs to do to take care of himself or herself, the wounds start to heal. The torn and broken pieces start to be put back together, and despair is replaced with HOPE! While this may be a s-l-o-w process - it can and does happen. The transformation is incredible to witness. The client, once broken and despairing, months later appears happy and healthy. The difference in appearance is truly astonishing. I went through this sort of metamorphosis myself, never thinking I would recover and be happy again - not thinking it was possible. However, I know it is! Through personal and professional experiences, I have experienced it and seen it, over and over. There is always hope that tomorrow may be better. The pain will subside. A new normal will emerge. There is ALWAYS hope!
The recent suicide of a close friend brings this tragic topic back to my attention and to the subject of this blog. When my friend died, he was unemployed, involved in a divorce and had his two boys, one with special needs, in two different states. I knew him as a cheerful, accomplished, loving man. He was one of those people who always had a twinkle in his eyes. Now he is gone. His parents, family, friends and extended family are probably wondering what they could have or should have done to help him and avoid this senseless loss.
"Remember when we so badly wanted children?" he asked me a few days ago, after discussing some troubles we had been having with our now-teenaged son and daughter. We laughed. We've been divorced for almost six years, but we still have to talk about things, make arrangements for the kids and solve "kid problems" together.